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Star Wars Insider Magazine #97 - 30th Anniversary tribute piece
Star Wars Insider Magazine #90 
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Magazines, etc.
Magazines
B
Bananas - #63
Darth Vader's Diary
TUESDAY
Dear Diary: Well, I've done it at last. I sent in my application to the computer dating service. It shouldn't be too hard to match me up with someone. I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm only worried with my answer to one question. For "Hobbies," I put down "destroying civilization as we know it." I hope, dear diary, that they won't think I'm bragging. THREE WEEKS LATER Still no word from the dating service. I can't understand it. But I think I'll get a date soon. They seemed very cooperative after I threatened to reduce their building and everyone it in to a charred, smoking mass. FRIDAY I called my computer date tonight. Her mother answered the phone. She didn't get my name, but she must have known who I was because I heard her yell "Helen, ya got a heavy breather on the phone here!" We're all set for tomorrow night. I'll pick her up at 7:30. I'm so excited! I wonder if she enjoys setting fire to small planets as much as I do. SATURDAY What an evening! When Helen, my date, answered the door and saw me for the first time, she went pale with delight and her knees went weak. Then she came to. She said she'd asked the dating service for someone tall, dark, and with an air of mystery, but that this was ridiculous! I wonder, dear diary, what she meant? She went to get her sweater, and I chatted with her parents. I didn't like her dad much, so I vaporized him. Helen's mom didn't have much to say. She just made a few gurgling sounds. I said it had been a pleasure meeting her, and left the house with her daughter. 8:00 PM I asked Helen where she wanted to go. She suggested a movie. But after I choked her a little, she decided that a raiding party would be much more fun. Diary, she's so cute when she's blue and gasping! Well, dear diary, we took off in my space probe, and I must say, Helen is a good sport. When I hit hyperspace without telling her first, she was only a little sick. Those cracked ribs will be fine in a couple weeks, too, so no hard feelings. 8:30 PM I took her to my favorite restaurant. Helen was a little overwhelmed by the ritzy atmosphere of the place. So I took great pains to introduce her to all my friends as they flopped, slithered, flew, and rolled over to our table. She was speechless with gratitude. In fact, she was so excited that she couldn't eat a thing - even when I offered to kill it first. 10:00 PM After supper, dear diary, I cut loose and showed Helen what a really good time is. I must have laid waste to at least 30 thriving civilizations throughout the galaxy! What a blast! 12:00 MIDNIGHT Helen didn't say much on the way home, dear diary, but I think I knew how she felt. She kept staring deep into my vents and saying "I don't believe this!" over and over again. What a gal! When we said good night at her place, I thought about giving her a good-night kiss. But I felt it was too soon to risk electrocuting her yet. We shook hands. Hers were shaking a lot. I'll never forget her parting words, dear diary. She said, "Thanks, Bart. See you around." I told her my name was Darth. "Right," she said. "Anything you say." I told her I'd call again soon. And I promised that next time we'd play "Pop Goes the Planet." Funny, dear diary, but she didn't seem too enthusiastic. She just put her hand over her mouth, ran inside, and slammed the door. ONE MONTH LATER I've called and called, but Helen never seems to be at home. In fact, her phone number must have changed 15 times! This last time, the telephone operator told me that Helen left a message that she'd moved to a different universe. Was it something I said?
Better Homes and Gardens
2001 - Article on Skywalker
Ranch...mostly on the Chef. Included was a version of the famous
Skywalker Ranch Salad served everyday at the ranch.
Boy's Life~2006 - Article
on the Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit
(Thanks to Donna A for this reference!)
C
Communication Arts
Magazine - Article
geared towards an advertising audience by Tom Monahan (excerpt only):
"Creativity Force Field Analysis. This little device is very
simple. Just identifying what forces propel an organization toward its
goals. And identify what forces work against the accomplishment of those
goals. The theory being if you clearly recognize the 'forces of good'
and the 'forces of evil' you're in a better position to plus the pluses and
minus the minuses and help the good forces of the Empire overpower the Darth
Vader forces, to make your organization better"
Cosmopolitan -
'A Girl's Guide to Star Wars' April 1999 (a 'how-to' if your date, boyfriend, fiancé, or husband is a Star Wars fan)
Cracked -
June 1999. TPM parody.
D
Details - Issue
which had all male models in an inside spread wearing a "Star Wars"
insignia on their belt buckles.
E
Elle Decoration (FR) - The
Phantom Menace April 1999. Furnishings and props from the film.
EYE SPY (US) -
15 Aug 2002
Scott Ritter - former UN Weapons Inspector was quoted as saying "Iraq was
simply a 'Phantom Menace'"
H
Harvard Lampoon -
An interview with Greedo -
HARVARD LAMPOON: Welcome. So,
is it true that you are the greediest space alien of all time?
GREEDO: No, why would...? Ah,
perhaps you have been misled by my name. While my name is indeed Greedo, I
think you will find I am no greedier than anyone else. I am a man of modest
means and meager salary, but I assure you I am content with my lot in life.
HARVARD LAMPOON: We saw you in
Star Wars trying to collect lots of money from Han Solo. Do you go around
trying to collect big sums of money because of incredibly consuming feelings
of greed?
GREEDO: Of course not. While it
is true that I am a collection agent in the employ of Jabba the Hutt, I only
see that debts are paid. The money does not go to me. Besides, my culture
abolished money thousands of your Earth years ago. Frankly, I don't even
understand the concept. We find your custom of using scraps of paper to
represent wealth laughable.
HARVARD LAMPOON: Now in that
scene you had a gun. Didn't Han Solo have to draw his own gun under the table
because he knew if you saw it you would want it too? Isn't wanting two guns
just plain greedy?
GREEDO: Ahem. Let me refresh
your memory. Han Solo drew that gun surreptitiously because he wanted to shoot
me. Which he did, a very painful laser blast in the belly. I do have to hand
it to him, it was a very crafty move. I never even saw it coming. However,
what I wish Mr. Solo and others like him would realize is that I'm only trying
to do my job. Shooting me under the table with a laser is like blaming the
weather man when it rains. I'd like to stress to your readers: it's not really
my fault if there is a large bounty on your head. Please do not take it out on
me.
HARVARD LAMPOON: Weren't you
mad that your part in the movie was so small? Out of greediness for fame,
isn't it true that you wanted to hog all the screen time and change the title
of the movie to Star Wars Starring Greedo?
GREEDO: In fact, no. I am an
admittedly minor figure and am happy with the relatively large role I was
given. I'll never forget the day Mr. Lucas "discovered" me while I
was doing my volunteer work at the Tatooine Orphanage Soup Kitchen. Just
having been involved with one of the greatest blockbusters of all time is
reward enough. I still get butterflies every time I see the film. It's just
unreal to think, "That's me up there!"
HARVARD LAMPOON: With a name
like Greedo, you sure must be greedy!
GREEDO: Please, I did not
choose my name. It has been difficult enough to live with its pejorative connotations. Please do not make things worse.
HARVARD LAMPOON: But your skin
is green, which is a word that's very close to greed.
GREEDO: That was a very
impolite remark.
HARVARD LAMPOON: Are you
hungry? Would you like to greedily wolf down 500 space hamburgers?
GREEDO: Why are you doing this?
HARVARD LAMPOON: Hey, what's
your brother's name? Selfisho?
GREEDO: Leave my brother out of
this.
HARVARD LAMPOON: Thank you for
taking the time to talk to us, greedy.
GREEDO: Damn you.
Hype Magazine
-
Episode 1 cover
I
In Style - February
2005 Article on famous twins, includes
photo of Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker.
M
Mad Magazine -
All covers come from Doug
Gilford's Mad Cover Site - They are in order, chronologically.
Star Wars - Indiana Jones.
(Thanks Doug!)
Mad Kids Magazine -
Summer 2006 Issue Ug-ly-Oh! Cards:
Maxim Magazine -
'Head to Head: Garth vs. Darth. They're big men in black hats, and they're
both well on their way to taking over the universe. But who wins the
man-to-man battle?'
Garth: King of Country
Darth: The Dark Lord of the
Sith
Edge: Garth Brooks
Sissy Real Name:
Garth: Troyal Garth Brooks
Darth: Anakin Skywalker
Edge: Garth
Education:
Garth: Majored in advertising
at Oklahoma State University.
Darth: Trained as a Jedi Knight
under the master, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Edge: Darth
Family Values:
Garth: Threw his future wife
out of a nightclub for fighting.
Darth: Plotted to kill his own
kids, Luke and Leia.
Edge: Garth
Source of Power:
Garth: Fan support; barbecued
pork rinds.
Darth: The Dark Side of the
Force.
Edge: Darth
Connections:
Garth Has "friends in low
places."
Darth: Is right-hand man of
evil Emperor Palpatine.
Edge: Darth
Head Gear:
Garth: Big black cowboy hat
that disguises bald and abnormally large cranium.
Darth: Big black buy-eyed dura-steel
helmet that disguises massive scar tissue and blind-cavefish complexion.
Edge: Garth
Four-foot [edited] Accessory:
Garth: Acoustic Guitar
Darth: Lightsaber
Edge: Garth
Self-Appraisal:
Garth: Oh, I'm shameless,
shameless as a man can be/ You can make a total fool of me. -
"Shameless"
Darth: To Obi-Wan: "When I
left you I was but the learner. Now I am the Master!" - "Star
Wars"
Edge: Darth
Primary Vehicle:
Garth: HBO concerts
Darth: The Death Star
Edge: Darth
Evidence of World Domination:
Garth: $33,584,636 - total
ticket sales from 1996 tour Darth: $45,470,437 - total domestic ticket sales
from 1997's Return of the Jedi Special Edition
Edge: Darth
And The Winner Is:
Darth
Men's Health - 2004
June [1]
pg 34 "More News Briefs" title SCAR
WARS [2] GI Spy -
test for color problems: Capsul endoscopy: under the heading 'Any COOL
factor?: Triple bonus: Cool flashing gut cam, Batman-style utility belt, Death
Star tunnel-vision video of your small intestine. [3]
page 192 All the answers to your ultimate Pop
quiz (father's day), Best "you thought your dad was bad" moment on
film, Darth Vader reveals that he's Luke's dad - after chopping of his hand. (Thanks
MM for the info!)
Metropolis - 1999 TPM issue
N
Newsweek - [1]
Dec 20, 1999
In an interview with Jude he was asked if he teased Ewan about The Phantom
Menace. His reply was, 'I can't tease him. My sons worship him. We had a
"Star Wars" birthday party, and
my baby son was Obi-Wan. I wouldn't
ever begin to tease a Jedi knight.' [2] April, 14 2003 Page
37. Quote from an article The
Grunt's War 'You've
got to take the pain,' says Lt. Col. Ernest (Rock) Marcone, sounding a little
like Darth Vader. [3] Sept
20, 2004 in Conventional Wisdom.
Cheney <-> All that work to avuncularize Darth Vader gets vaporized by
his vote-for-us-or-die remark.
New Yorker, The 1997 -
'Overheard between father and son who were standing in the ticket-holders'
line at the Ziegfield, two hours before the first screening of the digitally
enhanced 'Star Wars': Father:
You're gonna *love* this. ||| Son: O.K., Dad, I know.
||| Father: No you really will. It'll be better than the video, I
promise. ||| Son:
Daa-ad ... I like the video. ||| Father: But this'll
be better. It'll be, you know, better. ||| Son: How do
you know? It was like, twenty years ago when you saw it in the theatre, right?
Right? ||| Father: Well.... |||
Son: Well, what? ||| Father: I never actually saw it
in the theatre back then. ||| Son (suddenly aware of
others in line): Jeez, Dad. What kind of geek were you, anyway?"
Nickelodeon Magazine - October
1999 the scientific names for two species of wasps are given. The names are [1]
polemistus Chewbacca and [2]
polemistus Yoda.
P
Parade (US Sunday paper
supplemental) - "The Best & Worst of
Everything" year-end roundup. Under the "Best New
Religion" category, Parade reprints a story originally published in The
Arizona Republic: "Centuries after King
Arthur, a new order of knights is wandering Britain -- and Luke Skywalker
would be proud. When asked their religious affiliation on the 2001
census forms, many Britons wrote in 'Jedi Knight' -- so many, in fact, that
the government was forced to give 'Jedi Knight' its own category when
compiling census results." Then Parade's editors wrote:
"Stay tuned for the census sequel: The Empire Strikes Back." Also included is a photo of
Mark Hamill, the caption reads, "Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker: The Force
lives on in England"
Physics Magazine - (May
1998) An article called Star Wars and
gravitational constants.
Popular Mechanics 2001 -
July [1] Computer
scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and Siemens, the
German electronics company, have developed robot heads that react to a
person's voice with manlike facial expressions Mexi was built at
the C-Lab , a joint venture of Siemens and Germany's University of Paderborn.
She will be attached to a body, which is now being developed, and then go to
work as a museum tour guide.'...human-cyborg
relations.' A robot named Kismet, from
MIT, has a more expressive face and learns from human interaction. 'The goal
is to build a socially intelligent machine that learns things as we learn from
them,' says inventor Cynthia Breazeal. (looks like C3PO of TPM) [2]
'You may fire when ready...' ...Too
heavy for NASA doesn't mean unfit for duty. One possible mission may be to
jump-start the U.S. space-based laser program. A powerful mobile weapon
already exists. It is known as the THEL, for Tactical High Energy Laser. Built
by TRW Inc. of Redondo Beach, California, it was intended to protect Israeli
settlements against Katyusha rockets fired from southern Lebanon by Hezbollah
guerillas. During tests at White Sands Missile Range, New Mexico, THEL downed
two rockets at once. Although tested the system was never shipped to Israel.
In space, where the beam from THEL's deuterium-fluoride chemical laser would
not be diffused by the atmosphere, it could do more damage. Space-based lasers
were essentially forbidden by a treaty between the United States and the
U.S.S.R. Recently, the United States has signaled that it plans to ignore the
treaty. Coupling Columbia with THEL could put a military laser in space in a
matter of months, and not years.
R
COLOR="#993333"Road and Track July 2001
- [1] People, Places
and Things: 'He was just obeying orders from 'The Force' , claims an
arrested car thief in Bismark, ND. As proof he signed the police blotter
'Obi-Wan Kenobi' [2] Article
'R2D2, Build me a tire!' Details the robotic tire design machines at
Pirelli Tires.
Rolling Stone - Cover
June 1999. Jar-Jar is on the cover and he's holding the Rolling
Stone magazine for 1977 Star Wars issue (with Luke, Leia, Chewie, Han on
cover)
S
Science News Weekly 2001
- a wasp named: polemistus Chewbacca
Spin (1999)
- Article cover Story- 'A
long time from now, in a galaxy very, very nearby...Futurama (No Jedis just
drunk robots)'
SportsFanMagazine.com
(2003) - This is from a conversation at the end
of the article, between Stern and Memphis Grizzlies president Jerry West.
STERN: What is thy bidding, my master? Sports Illustrated (12/17/01) - Miami Dolphin's Defense Uses the Force. "Miami's last victory in this sporadic series (4-4 all time) came on November 6, 1983, the year Return of the Jedi was thrilling 13-year-olds like Jeff Garcia of Gilroy, Calif. Today the kid from Gilroy is San Francisco's Jedi passing master, with a 90.6 quarterback rating (third in the NFC), and a leading candidate for the NFL's MVP award. Against the Dolphins, Garcia will test a Miami pass defense that the Force has been with all season" (thanks to George Abraham for this reference) T
Time (Asia) -
June 1999 Cover TPM and article.
Transworld Surf and Wars -
December
2002. Surf Slang, page 36...Broisms (twists on the slang word 'Bro'): [1]Broba
Fett - Your bro who hunts down chicks. Example: When Joe sees a chick he
wants, he becomes a total booty hunter, he's Broba Fett. [2]
Brobi Won Kenobi - A bro
who's always in position for the peak. Example: Josh must be using the
Force again, he's gotten every good set wave today - he's such a Brobi Won
Kenobi. [3] Broda
- The older, wiser bro who's always teaching younger bros a lesson.
Example: Dude, I was getting killer tree barrels on Neptune, when Broda said
the elms on Grandview were way more tubular. [4]
C3PBro - The bro who does
everything his bros say. Example - "I totally told Chris to wav my
stick, and he did- he's our own C3PBro. [5]
Hans Brolo - Your bro who
rips and surfs by himself. Example - I saw Pete surfing by himself at
River Jetties, doing killer slashes - he's a modern day Hans Brolo. [6]
Landbro Calrissian - Your
bro who's as smooth as Billy Dee Williams. Example - Joel's such a
Landbro Calrissian - even my girlfriend thinks he's sexy.
Miscellaneous:
In
a Spanish Magazine an ad for Renault is right in 'Mos Espa' (Tataouine)
Pottery Barn Catalog:
[1]
The videos Star Wars and The
Empire Strikes Back are on the shelf of the Armoire advertised in the catalog
(the only SW reference from PB ever)
[2]
Pottery Barn Catalog Fall 2005
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